


The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

by StellaRivers



Series: Garak's Fables [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Aesop's Fables - Freeform, Fables - Freeform, Garak's Fables, Garashir - Freeform, Gen or Pre-Slash, Julian Bashir and Elim Garak's Book Club, M/M, Oblivious Julian Bashir, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Screenplay/Script Format, The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing, Thirsty Elim Garak, aesop, garak and bashir's lunch dates, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaRivers/pseuds/StellaRivers
Summary: A hungry wolf sees a flock of sheep, but can’t get close enough to eat one due to a watchful shepherd. He finds a discarded sheep skin, drapes himself in it, gets into the flock and eats one of the sheep. Later that night, the wolf goes back to the fold with the flock but the shepherd has a craving for mutton. Mistaking the wolf for one of his sheep, he kills and eats it.The evil doer often comes to harm through his own deceitOr:Once you have what you want, leave while you can and don’t get greedy
Relationships: Julian Bashir & Elim Garak, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: Garak's Fables [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151450
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why it says this is part 3, it's only part 2. Stupid website is stupid. 
> 
> The long-awaited sequel to Garak's Fables! This time, it's The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing getting woefully misinterpreted by our favourite gay lizard man. This one kind of went off the rails a bit but I think it's still quite fun. 
> 
> You don't have to have read Part 1 to understand this, the works in this series are all standalone but can be read together if you want. 
> 
> I can't really write stage directions without it sounding...weird...so you'll have to imagine all the eye-fucking and touching each other over the table etc. Enjoy :)

Garak: Greetings, my dear doctor! I must say, the story you gave me to read this week was most enlightening. 

Bashir: Really? I was sure you’d manage to miss the point somehow. 

Garak: Oh, no, the message behind this one was loud and clear. 

Bashir: Well, I’m glad to hear it. 

Garak: I mean, how could the wolf be so idiotic as to stay in the flock once he had what he wanted? 

Bashir: What? Garak, that’s not the point. The point is that the wolf should have stayed away from the flock altogether and not been eaten due to his own misdeed. 

Garak: Misdeed? Doctor, if I understand your Earth carnivores correctly, the wolf was simply trying to satisfy the basic biological need for sustenance by any means at his disposal—and might I add, he was very clever about it. 

Bashir: You’re thinking about it too literally—the wolf isn’t a wolf, he’s a metaphor for a person who does something devious and suffers because of his own deception. Someone, like, for instance, oh, I don’t know…a spy? 

Garak: I see. You wouldn’t have had any particular agenda for giving me this story to read, would you? After all, I am just a humble tailor. 

Bashir: Mmm. And the wolf was just another sheep. 

Garak: You’re not seriously accusing me of entering the flock just to lead some poor, innocent Starfleet officer to the slaughter, are you Doctor? 

Bashir: Well, you did single one out pretty much as soon as Starfleet got here. In fact, you still have what could be considered a slightly…unhealthy interest in him. 

Garak: My dear doctor, you’re not afraid I’m going to eat you, are you? 

Bashir: I couldn’t possibly say. 

Garak: Well, I can’t imagine there would be much meat on you, it would hardly be worth infiltrating an entire station just to eat you. 

Bashir: That makes me feel so much better. 

Garak: Besides, if I ate you, I would no longer be able to engage in your… _enjoyable company._

Bashir: In that case, I’d better not run out of interesting things to say or I might get eaten. 

Garak: Oh, I doubt you’d make more than a mouthful. 

Bashir: Must you eye me up like that? 

Garak: Such lanky arms… 

Bashir: Are you sizing me up!? 

Garak: Not much muscle on the chest…

Bashir: Garak! 

Garak: And as for these spindly, bony legs… 

Bashir: Stop looking at my body! 

Garak: Fine. I’ll look at…that fetching young ensign over there. 

Bashir: Hey! I doubt that fetching young ensign would want to debate literature with you. 

Garak: No, but he’d make a much more substantial meal than you. 

Bashir: I can’t believe we’re talking about you eating people! 

Garak: Unless there happens to be a very severe power cut which shorts out every single replicator on this station, I’ll continue to take the easy option. 

Bashir: Spoken like a true predator. 

Garak: I suppose Cardassians are technically descended from predators—as are humans, if I’m not mistaken. 

Bashir: I guess we’re just a couple of predators eating our prey together. 

Garak: Our processed, replicated prey. 

Bashir: Aren’t we incredible hunters? 

Garak: Well, I’m sure we could pass as sheep if we got truly desperate. 

Bashir: I have no idea how to respond to that. 

Garak: Granted, it would take some doing, but with enough surgery and convincing enough costumes, we could get away with it—only we would have the brains to leave the flock once we had eaten our prey. 

Bashir: Do you even now what a sheep looks like? 

Garak: Of course! It’s an Earth livestock animal farmed for its meat and wool. 

Bashir: You could get that definition from any Federation database, what does one look like? 

Garak: Muscular and woolly, of course. 

Bashir: How many legs do they have? 

Garak: Two? 

Bashir: No! They have four legs! 

Garak: Of course! Two and the front, two at the back! 

Bashir: Which is four in total! 

Garak: I fail to see how knowing how many legs a sheep has is relevant to life on a space station. 

Bashir: No need to be sour just because you don’t know. 

Garak: How would I, a Cardassian, know how many legs an Earth sheep has? I bet you don’t know how many legs a Cardassian riding hound has. 

Bashir: What is that? Like a horse? 

Garak: What’s a horse? 

Bashir: It’s an animal we ride on Earth. It has four legs. 

Garak: Does it? How fascinating. 

Bashir: Does a Cardassian riding hound have four legs? 

Garak: You know, Doctor, I believe we’re getting off-topic here.

Bashir: It does, doesn’t it? 

Garak: Does what, my dear? 

Bashir: The Cardassian riding hound. It has four legs. 

Garak: Doctor, I fail to see what relevance this has to our literary discussion. 

Bashir: You just don’t want to admit I’m right. 

Garak: What would you say if, perchance, I told you the Cardassian riding hound has five legs? 

Bashir: I would say that makes no evolutionary sense and that you can’t handle the fact I’m right for once. 

Garak: Fine. A riding hound has four legs. Now, can we please get back to sheep and wolves? 

Bashir: Fine. What did you think of the wolf’s method? 

Garak: I think it was most clever indeed. Far too cunning for a lower animal, though, the lack of realism is somewhat disturbing. 

Bashir: What? The wolf is just a metaphor, we’ve been through this. 

Garak: Have we? I must be getting forgetful in my old age. 

Bashir: Hmm…I assume “getting forgetful” is a special Cardassian code for “trying to wind up your lunch companion.” 

Garak: Now, why would I ever try to wind you up, my dear Doctor? 

Bashir: I don’t know. Like I said, it’s probably some special Cardassian thing. 

Garak: No, I think it’s fairly universal. 

Bashir: Nice try. Humans don’t pick fights with their friends for no reason. 

Garak: Well, not for _no_ reason… 

Bashir: What’s your reason then? Do you secretly hate me or something? 

Garak: Goodness, no! I assure you, Doctor, it’s quite the opposite. Now, my dear, I do believe you have duties to attend to in the infirmary. 

Bashir: Wait, what do you mean by that? 

Garak: That you really should be getting back to work. 

Bashir: Not that. What do you mean by “the opposite?” 

Garak: Oh, you don’t want to go reading too much into that. 

Bashir: The opposite of hating me? 

Garak: Goodness me, look at the time, I really should be opening my shop. 

Bashir: You’re not leaving here before you tell me what you mean by the opposite of hating me. 

Garak: Doctor, I simply meant that I consider you a dear and valued friend. What else could I possibly have meant by it? 

Bashir: I couldn’t possibly imagine. I suppose I should be getting back to the infirmary. 

Garak: And I should be getting back to my shop. 

Bashir: Same time next week? 

Garak: Of course, my dear Doctor.

**Author's Note:**

> You know that dynamic where Garak is being really thirsty and obvious and Julian is being an oblivious idiot? Well, I may have taken that too far and made Julian come off unbelievably dense. Like, I would not trust this version of him to operate on me. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
